May 12th

It's been awhile since my last post. I've been trying to stay sane. Babs is driving me insane and I've been quite a b*&^# to her. I need to calm down but I can't. Today was a much better day. I laid off BIG TIME and it felt good. It's hard to see someone you used to look up to and adore fall from the pedestal you put them on; it shatters your heart, actually.



So, in the Puppy News; we are working hard to get a babe from this current litter. The lady is BEYOND slow to responding to emails so I must be patient. I want this dog so much it hurts. I need something to love and I ain't ready for babies.



I started tiling the backsplash last night....not bad, huh? I'm excited to finally be almost done with this remodel. I want it done for Sis' graduation as many a family members will be over.

Went to Goodwill tonight and found some FABULOUS jackets....soooo cute. I love thrift shops. So much fun. I have a lot to do with the other knick knacks I found at Salvation the other day- painting and such. I love this stuff. Too bad I can't make a living at it- YET!

DOOR COUNTY- May 1st-3rd

Love this town. Ate at Alexander's for dinner. Super fabulous! Had a nice evening. Everyone seemed happy & relaxed.

The 5k was breath taking. My love ran like a rock star, too! My time was 30:15...It was a good show. I was worried about my finish because the first mile I was at 9:45 and the 2nd mile I picked up the pace and was at 19:30 ( I think ). The best part, besides my finish time, was seeing some our good friends surprise us at the finish line! So wonderful.

We had a great day of swimming, lunch, wine tastings, Kentucky Derby watching, dinner, grasshoppers, pool and dancing.

Sunday was a little tense but we made it out alive....only to find out that our beautiful car broke down while the kid was driving it to prom. Thank the good Lord above that she was not hurt. Thank you God for watching out for her!!!!

April 30th

Getting ready for my 5k in DC this weekend. Did a quick 2 mile run in 20:58...a little slow due to a side cramp (had to stop and stretch). Stopped at the local wine shop to get supplies for the weekend. Not looking forward to it....hope it is better than we think it will be ;)

First Tuesday I Didn't Want to Kill Someone

This a.m. started off with a bang. Caffiene-free chocolate toffee coffee & a banana. Got into the office and put out a small fire brewing from Noram....Little Ms.Mary had a hissy fit and said she was looking for another printer. I explained that she had been told a whole mess of lies and good luck finding a printer that would put up with her bs.

Lunch was sweet potatoes fries and veggie sandwich. Yum!

Finished printing Nells book at 8:30 tonight....4 hours added on to my work day. Oh, well, good to be done! Hope that I don't find any more mistakes.

All in all a stress-free day. Snacked on chex mix during those 4 hours and came home to leftover pizza and zero alcohol for 2 days in a row! Score!

Monday

Super productive day thus far. Got up, made coffee and ate cinnamon rolls. Went to Chase and National to take care of those deposits. Ran to get paper for work tomorrow. Such a beautiful day so I decided to go for a quick run. Only had about 20 minutes cause I have to get ready and drive to Delafield to meet Kelbel

Ran 2.10 in 20:49. Rock and Roll. Ready for the weekend 5k in Door County!!!

Met Kelbel for lunch and retail therapy. Super fun. I bought new running/yoga pants and some other random goods. Made it home to check out tile with Love....still no idea what to do for that darn backsplash. Oh well!

Off to work tomorrow. Pray for a good one...

April 26th

Woke up happy. Made coffee and cinnamon rolls. Then we went to church. Came home and made breakfast of chocolate chop pancakes, eggs and bacon. (My lover was hungry) Yum!

Worked on Nell's project...AGAIN. Finally Done!!!!!! Or so I think.....

My Love napped while I putzed around on the computer. Then we worked on the molding for the kitchen cabinets....what a project. Ate dinner of delicious butters and seat salts, grapes and breads, had one glass of wine.

Dessert consisted of a glass of red wine and 3 bites of a chocolate chop lava cake....night, night.

ReThreads

Went to this place called ReThreads to sell some clothing. Fabulous store. They sell "recycled clothing" at killer prices. They bought a lot of my items and handed me a check for $125. Then, that afternoon, a girl came to my house to buy some ottomans I had posted weeks ago on craigslist: another $20. What a fabulous day!

April 25th

The Deer Run. Mo is so fabulous to run with me since my friend bailed out this week. It's a 5k and Mo says she really doesn't run but will do it. She's in town for the weekend, and is always up for anything. Gotta love her.

My love decided to run, too. What a guy. It was the perfect running weather. A little overcast and some light drizzles but warm and wonderful. I finished in 3o:15....by my watch. I think it was 30:30 by the officials but that's because we weren't at the starting line when the gun went off. I was so thrilled with my time. Mo and Love did really well, too. They ran and walked and finished in 34:00, I think.

The temperature dropped about 20 degrees as we were walking home from the event and the rain came down in buckets. We were so lucky to have finished before the storm.

Pops sprang for bloody Mary's and breakfast afterwards; what a guy!

We went to an appraisal show in Cedarburg after breakfast and had some jewelry appraised. It was a fundraiser for adult literacy program. It was a fun thing to do.

I went to bed at 7p.m. and woke up 12 hours later. Can't beat a good night's sleep!

April 23rd

More Acupuncture. I'm going to attempt to go once a week. It ain't cheap but if it helps it is worth it. Helping Nell with this book of hers is driving me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. I never expected that I would invest so many hours in this. I would say, conservatively. I've spent 25 to 30 hours on this. I'm about to lose my mind. Come Tuesday I need to put it to bed, so to speak. I need to get it off to the binder and say, 'tough' if anything else is wrong. I need to get back to my life....

Hell Of A Week

What a bad week. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. Can't handle the stress anymore. I truly feel like I am going to lose my mind!

April 18

Went for a run (cause I have a run on the 25th that I better prepare for). Didn't do too well. Ran about 2.75 in 25 minutes. Not terrible but it was hard because the sun was beating down on me. Felt good when it was over. Took my Mil out to breakfast afterwards (she's in town for the weekend). We sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful day. Went shopping afterwards in our little town and then grilled out.

April 14th

Acupuncture was fabulous. I felt so relaxed afterwards. The man gave me a gift cert. for Easter and made me an appointment; what a guy. I went out to Riveria Maya afterwards with Nick and had a nice dinner.

Loser

Well, I have hit rock bottom again. I'm drinking 3 or 4 glasses a night for the past week....I'm so stressed, angry and annoyed with the state of my life and I can't stop drinking. I only had two drinks Friday night and then Saturday and Sunday were a wash....I'm so angry.

I am also turning into the most negative person I know. I bitch about everybody and bitch about people that bitch about people. I'm becoming highly critical of everything and everybody.

I have not run since I blogged so I'm pissed about that. My life feels like it is spiraling down the toilet. I need an intervention....I think it is back to Day 1. I need to stop drinking. Stop being so damn on edge and negative. Start running and start taking care of myself. My husband got me an appointment with an acupuncturist for tomorrow. I hope that helps....

Day 27 thru Day 30

Well, I made it. Sort of. Went away this weekend and knew it might be trouble. It wasn't really but I was not as successful as I had hoped. One thing I learned, my taste buds have no need for alcohol anymore; which is great. Unfortunately I tried 3 different types of drinks before I decided to end with that conclusion. Friday was great. I had one Carmel apple martini and was done. Saturday I had some red wine and didn't enjoy it. Tried a rum and something and it was ok but not great. Then I tried a pomegranate martini and loved it....by then I felt totally wasted and out of sorts. That was not the plan for the weekend...one drink each night was my limit. Sunday we had planned to go to a bloody mary bar but when I woke up I told my love that I was done drinking. It didn't appeal to me anymore. I wasn't hungover or sick; just done with the stupidness. So, no I didn't make the 30 days as a sober individual but I followed my own rules until Day 28....not too shabby. WAY better than expected. I will continue to blog about that and my new exercise regime....30 days of running? Maybe not a great idea. Maybe 3 days a week for 30 days....yea, let's shoot for that. Today is Day 1.....

Day 25?

I think....Had a dinner party last night and served lots of wine; red and white and all that good stuff. Not a drop touched these lips. Well, maybe a drop cause I had to taste test a wine for my mom - she hates sweet wine. Anyway, it went very well. I was so proud of myself and equipped for this weekend. I do plan to have a glass of wine on either Friday or Saturday. I think these past few weeks have really done wonders for me...so excited for the future!

I must add that on Day 24 we went to this dinner and a movie theater that we frequent quit often. It is a great place to have a few drinks and dinner while watching the latest flicks. The movie was pretty bad - "Duplicity" - but the company was fantastic: my love. And, it cost us about $25 less than it would've normally because we had pop instead of drinks. What a blast!

Day 23

Monday morning! Only 7 more days to go. Yes, technically, I broke the 30 day fast on Day 21 but that was premeditated so it's OK on my conscience. I feel so good about all I have accomplished but it's hard to tell if it's had an impact on my life physically. I was so sick for a week with a sinus cold that I can't tell if I'm less tired, less ornery, less depressed. Hopefully the next few days will revel the truth. I feel more in control of my life, my nights. So that is a great thing. We have plans to head out of town on Friday with friends and that will be day 27 thru 29. I'm planning on having a glass of wine Friday or Saturday night. Only one! We will see how that goes.

Day 21

Traveled out of town Saturday morning to visit my aunts at a great lake house in Genoa City. When I arrived at 8am the Mimosa's and Bloody Mary's were flowing. A friend of my aunt handed me a mimosa as I walked in the door (it even had a ribbon on it with my name). I was a bit tempted to take a sip but was more drawn to NOT taking a sip. I headed for the kitchen, set it down and poured myself a cup of coffee. The day was a lot of fun! Antique shopping, visiting with family.

I had planned to head back that evening because I had to pick up my love at work. I left the house in a snow storm at 8p.m. and within a mile I was in a ditch! My mum tried to rescue me but went the wrong way and ended up on the other side of the lake. She went to get my love, I called AAA and then this awesome guy came along in his car and pushed my car out of the ditch.

I got back the lake house shaking like a leaf; not long after, my mom pulled in with my love. I was so excited to see them. I had a glass of red wine (which I had planned to do earlier that evening - but by the time I had left the house to get my love I had not had a single drop and thought I would have it when I got home ). I only had one glass and didn't really even enjoy it. I was proud of my ability to stop after one. It was a test I had planned when I found out about this party falling on my 21st day.

We played Wii Fit for 3 hours until 1:30 in the a.m. with all of aunts and her friends. It was so much fun. My mum was the best...so funny! We went to bed around 4 a.m. That morning the mimosa's were flowing again. I poured one for my love and poured myself a cup of coffee. I couldn't believe how I had managed to reprogram my brain after 3 weeks. Exciting stuff.

Morning of the 16th Day

I actually made it through the night. I was about to suggest some wine with our pizza and my husband cracked open a Pepsi. He is such an amazing help through all of this and he doesn't even know it, I'm sure. I really stopped to ponder if I should still pour myself a glass but I thought 'What a waste of 15 Days.' So I poured myself this Apple Cider stuff from Trader Joe's that tastes exactly like Cider Beer, (I've gone through 3 bottles in less than a week) and plopped down with my awesome pizza. The night got worse for me in terms of my cold but we managed to "dry fit" all the base molding the bathroom thanks to my husband. It looks amazing! I'm so thrilled. No work for me today which is good cause I need serious amounts of sleep to get rid of whatever I have. I need to get up to Trader Joe's to fill up on Cider. I have a "sleepover" this weekend with my aunts and there will be plenty of wine consumed. Saturday will be Day 21. Crazy! I hope the next few weekends don't break my stride. Day 27 thru Day 29 we are going away with friends for the weekend. Isn't life cruel? Kidding! So, Day 30 is a Monday. Maybe I will get up and have a Bloody Mary to celebrate! Kidding again.....

Day 14 & 15

Saturday was the least productive day of my life. I am miserable with this cold/allergy crud and can't sleep but can't do anything else! AHHHHHH! So frustrating. It was a beautiful day on Saturday. I wanted to badly to be outside. We watched a lot of basketball, did some laundry, ate lots of cookies and finally took a walk to Svens for some breakfast sandwiches at 2p.m. cause I was crawling the walls. It was an exhausting walk (only about a mile) which is how I truly know I'm ill. I would have LOVED to gone running but could barely walk home so, that was out of the question. The night was uneventful. The husband made shrimp and veggie fried rice. So delicious. I made cupcakes to take my mind off of my misery.

Sunday was equally unproductive. I did more laundry and spray painted two mirrors, a sculpture thingy and two frames. It felt better to be outside then in. Maybe it's something in the house. No church today. Have to go Wednesday. Want to sleep but not even Benadryl will knock me out. The hot guy I married went to go get supplies to finish the bathroom and pick up dinner. I'm starving! Classic Slice is so freakin good....Hopefully I will wake up in Day 16 with a clear head and nasal cavity.

Yes, I've managed to go this long without alcohol. I did pour my husband a sake & cider last night and took a sip....didn't do much for me. And NO that doesn't count as a breakdown because I did it intentially to see if I could resist the entire glass. I succeeded but would really like a glass of wine since I'm sick. I feel like I've earned it. I guess I could have one and then start over with Day 1 tomorrow....that would suck! I'm so miserable I might crack....2 weeks is impressive enough for someone who drinks 2-3 every darn day. Hmmmmm. Something to think about.

Day 13 - 2nd Friday

I got into something nasty and had a crazy allergy attack on my way home from work. Planned to go running but the bitter cold, threat of snow, and my watery eyes & runny nose kept me in. Poured myself some apple cider stuff and tried not to think about drinking. I'm at a point where I am actually angry about all this. I'm angry I can't have a drink. I'm angry because I know one glass of wine will turn in to way more. I'm angry because when I told my husband I wasn't drinking he supported me but acted like it was his idea and that i was doing it for him. I'm angry because he told me he could easily stop drinking for the rest of his life without thinking about it. Way to go champ! Prove it....I'm just angry. I hope when I wake up tomorrow (Saturday) I can go for a run & clean out this allergy and clear my head.

Day Tweleve

Today was a crazy day. I think I'm going out of my mind. Acting a little crazy. I didn't go running cause it was too freakin cold. Watched some basketball and crashed out early. I know these posts are boring but it keeps me in line!!!

Day 11

Ran 3 miles in 30 minutes. Exhausted but feeling good. Went out to dinner and coffee with a friend and almost forgot about alcohol altogether. Short & Sweet. Hitting the hay....

Day Nine & Ten

Yesterday (Monday) was Day 9 of this huge life change. I don't work on Mondays so I putzed around the house, did laundry, went shopping with a girl friend and then got into a bit of an argument with the old man....no need to elaborate but it was a very trying day. I survived by praying and, of course, woke up today (Day 10) much happier and calmer.

Now, all in all, today was a good day until about 5:30p.m. when I spotted a bottle of red wine on the counter at Nell's house (I help her with her computer projects once a week). Oh boy! My body reacted like it does when you see an old flame/lover/boyfriend. It was the strangest feeling and very scary considering this was in inanimate object. I left her place, got home, jumped out of my car and jumped into my running clothes. I had survived 9 nights and wasn't going to go down like this. I ran the worst run of my life...or so I thought. I was terrible and hard but i managed to cover 3 miles in 30 minutes. Not too shabby considering my running shoes have been collecting dust. I'm supposed to run tomorrow with Nicole before my Pilates class. That would be great cause I need to get back in the habit after this long winter. And, I have a run coming up on April 26th so I better get in shape.

Night 8

So we went to the party and before I could set my coat and purse down, I was being offered wine. I declined (I walked in with a 32oz diet coke and bottle of apple cider). I drank my soda and constantly deflected offers of liquor. I figured I would break down once dinner was served but I didn't!!! I switched to Apple Cider, which was awesome (from Trader Joes), and sailed through the night. We left there at about 11:30pm and I was sober & had a blast for the first time in too long of a time.

Morning of Day 8

I made it through the night! I can barely believe it. Tonight we are meeting friends for dinner so this too will be a challenge. Right now we are headed to Church, then to breakfast and then the Symphony....Those activities also usually involve bloody mary's or mimosas (not Church!). But, here's my thought, think of all the money we will save when we go out! At least $10-15 on 2 drinks, alone.

I will update this little blog after I get home.............

day 7

This is going to be a doozy. My husband's friends just showed up with 2 bottles of liquor and insisted we all try this awesome drink they found during their travels to Mexico. I pretended to take a sip as I'm not comfortable telling them I gave up drinking. I let it touch my lips for effect but I did get a drop in my mouth when I licked my lips....tasted like chocolate milk, really.

That wasn't hard (not drinking it) but now I feel like having a nice glass of wine....................but I know that will turn into a 2nd and 3rd so I am trying desperately to resist.

If I make it through tonight I will be surprised...

Day Six * First Friday Sober

This is a monumental day/night for me. I came home from work and, without hesitation, poured myself a blood orange Italian soda and started making breakfast casserole thingy for the crew that is coming over tomorrow. When my hub came home he went to the bar in our dining room and asked if it was 'Martini Time.' I said, "Sure! But make mine a virgin!" And he said that he wasn't going to drink either....I insisted he have whatever he wanted but he said he was fine. So, we made delicious "virgin" martinis and ate awesome sushi. Great night.

After dinner we decided to try and wrap the majority of the remodel of the bath upstairs. I am so excited! We just need to put on new baseboards and lay 2 pieces of tile....Here is a picture of the remodel

Benefits of Not Drinking Nightly

Loss weight

Feel healthier/ give the kidneys a rest

Sleep less

Save money on dinners out or nights in

See life a bit clearer

Live without regrets

I do plan to resume a responsible drinking life after this 30 day period has passed. If I see myself slipping again then I will have to stop for another 30 days. Drinking nightly is no longer an option. One or 2 nights a week of one or 2 drinks is plenty.

DAY 5

Technically, Day 5 isn't really over yet; in fact, it's barely begun! But I thought I would start this little post early on with hopes of a successful evening.

Anyway, so I'm home from work today taking care of sis and pup. Pretty uneventful so far. I woke up thinking about how alcohol and the fact that I did not drink last night. I felt like I had because things about the previous evening were a bit surreal and foggy. Made dinner, hung out with sis and hub....skipped Pilates...crashed out at 11. I clearly remember it but it's foggy. They do say that long-term exposure to alcohol can start to kill brain cells....I guess I'm in for it then. Other than that, I feel great about what I am trying to do. I'm tired every night when I get home from work and have been slacking off on my workout classes and running but maybe its the withdrawal? I sound like a true AA member - but I really did drink every night so I should expect some recourse.

Here are some symptoms, according to online sources, I'm expected to experience after years of drinking almost every night:

Feeling of jumpiness or nervousness - Not yet
Feeling of shakiness - No
Anxiety - Not so much
Irritability or easily excited - Always...that's nothing new, though
Emotional volatility, rapid emotional changes ...Nope
Depression -No
Fatigue -YES
Difficulty with thinking clearly - A Little
Bad dreams - No

Mild to moderate physical symptoms:
None of these, thank the Good Lord Above
Headache - general, pulsating
Sweating, especially the palms of the hands or the face
Nausea
Vomiting
Loss of appetite
Insomnia, sleeping difficulty

Anyway, I better get back to sanding the walls of my bathroom so I can add that second coat of paint I was supposed to put on 2 days ago!

Days Three & Four

I failed to report in last night because I was busy painting my bathroom walls a 2nd, and final, color. "Ashen," is its name. I'm happy with it....walls need one more coat which I plan to do tonight - a.k.a: DAY 4 of not drinking! (Yes, I survived Day 3)

I did think about drinking a bit and even came up with a few excuses why I could have "one glass"....but I didn't. I'm nervous about this weekend. I have not told my husband about my 30-Day Sober Fest. He often has a martini ready for me when I get home. I guess a virgin martini won't be so bad...

Now it's on to Day 5!

Day 2

Well, today went better than expected. I drank plenty of blood orange bubbly goodness to deter my thoughts away from the wine fridge. It really wasn't bad at all. I thought about it but didn't crave it....My fabulous husband helped things by surprising me and coming home early and suggesting we rip out the bathroom vanity and medicine cabinet that we have been living with since we moved in here in 2007. Very hideous....I'll keep you posted. We painted but aren't sure about the color so before I add pictures of the revamped bath I will show you pics of the old bath. Notice the lovely purple paint color and fabulously large medicine cabinet....I think they stole it out of some actors dressing chambers.

Day One

Giving up drinking will be extremely difficult but it is totally necessary in order to live a longer and more fully "aware" life.

Drinking may not be an addiction for me but it is more like a terrible habit- much like my coffee and diet coke consumption. I drink a few glasses of wine or a couple of martinis just about every night. I can't stop.

So, here I go! I will attempt over the next 30 days to go sans alcohol. Yikes! Given my social life this is bound to earn me a few stares...particularly in the belly region.